I gave up Instagram for Lent, pretty passively and without too much thought. Honestly, it has been one of the most challenging things I have done. Over the past several weeks I have recognized every single thing on this list, in my own realizations or through people seeing them in me.
In particular, I struggle with the first few on this list. Validation, Comparison, and Bitterness. I say it jokingly with my friends "Validate me, like my photo", but deep down it's this desperate cry for approval of my whole self. Based on a photo I took and edited and posted carefully on my feed. How absurd is that? When I post a photo, and when people like it, it's not so much a moment I am sharing with my friends. It's an image that I likely arranged very specifically, in good lighting, stressed over the right caption and hashtag combo, post, and then eagerly check very two minutes for new likes. The dangerous part falls in how I process: they aren't simply liking my photo, they are approving (or disproving) of who I am. By doing this, I am allowing them to judge me and to judge my character.
Every time I post a photo.
These past several weeks have been really hard. When I started, I cut Instagram out completely-I didn't look at my feed or anyone else's. My big fear was that I wouldn't be able to post photos of my spring break trip to Big Sur- if I didn't insta, did it really happen?! Ugh.
I think I kept this going for two weeks. I felt it, honestly. The desire to waste hours scrolling through photos. Eventually I started checking only a couple of accounts I really liked every now and then. Then I added a few more to the list. Then I just started checking it on my computer, every day, several times per day. I haven't uploaded my own photo since Lent began, but I also haven't kept true to my original commitment, which was giving it up completely for the entire season.
When I started writing this, I thought I would be able to come to some sort of miraculous conclusion, with answers for myself and reader. But I don't. I'm sitting here feeling guilty for having cheated so much on this fast, but also feeling terrified after reading this article.
How can I change? How can I alter the way I see and interact with social media such as Instagram?
I don't know. Honestly.
Today my friend was explaining it this way: a person is going to look at your feed, or look at your account. They might follow you, they might like your photo. "Literally it's one second". One second or two seconds they spend thinking about you, and then they move on.
....
Why am I letting two seconds dictate my self worth?
(In my mind, self worth is scary. Because it means I'm not the person I believe myself to be, but it means I have to start thinking highly of myself. It means I have to start believing in myself, and that I have to love myself.)
SO! While I still struggle with these things, maybe you do as well. I'm really lucky to have so many people in my life who can call me out when I get wrapped up in things like this list suggests. But please please please know that you are worth more than a number. You are worth more than the glance at a screen you think you need to earn.
(sometimes I need to hear this. so, in case you also needed to hear this...here you go)
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tech/8-dangers-social-media-were-not-willing-admit
No comments:
Post a Comment